Six Expert Tips for Talking to Your Child About Cancer

When your child or someone you love is diagnosed with childhood cancer, the emotional impact can be overwhelming. It can be difficult to know the best way to talk to your child about their diagnosis and the medical journey that lies ahead. Thankfully there are pediatric cancer resources that Certified Child Life Specialists like Tori Hoffman can provide. 

Tori Hoffman, Certified Child Life Specialist at Children’s Hospital Colorado’s Center for Cancer and Blood Disorder, offers tips and insights on talking to your child about cancer. 

1. Communicate honestly and openly

You might feel scared that being honest with your child about the diagnosis may frighten them, but open communication helps kids feel like an important part of their care and promotes positive coping. It also helps kids build trusting relationships with healthcare staff and with you, their parents. 

Use soft and developmentally appropriate language that is tailored to your child’s experience. This will positively impact your child’s understanding of their cancer diagnosis and medical experience.  

“One thing I’ve learned in my years as a hematology/oncology child life specialist, is that the word ‘cancer’ often holds much more weight to adults than it does to kids. Many times, kids have never met anyone who has had cancer, or have never even heard of the word, so being honest while educating patients is just another way to show caregivers how resilient their child is.” - Tori 

2. Help your child process their emotions

Identifying different emotions is a large part of coping with a new diagnosis. Validate your child’s emotions and encourage them to feel and express their emotions, letting them know that it’s okay to have feelings. Then, work with your Child Life Specialist to help identify positive coping skills. 

Tori shares what she does in those situations: 

“After identifying our emotions, I encourage patients to feel whatever it is they may be feeling – if we’re sad, crying is a great coping mechanism; if we’re angry, we can hit our pillow or crush some modeling clay in our hands; if we’re scared, we can identify comfort items or engage in a mindfulness activity.”  

3. Remind your child that this diagnosis does not change who they are

Remind your child that they are the same person that they were before their cancer diagnosis. Let them know that they can still have fun, play, go to school, and spend time with friends and family. 

“Allowing kids the opportunity to play in the face of a medical experience is incredibly pertinent to their ongoing growth and development. After all, the job of a child is truly to play!” - Tori 

1. AVOID making kids feel like their emotions are "bad"

Avoid statements that may invalidate your child’s feelings. Tori gives an example of language to avoid and language to use instead: 

“If a patient is crying after learning about their cancer diagnosis, we want to avoid language such as: 'Don’t cry, everything’s going to be okay!' or 'Don’t cry, be strong!' Instead, use language such as: 'I see you’re feeling sad, do you want to talk about it or hold my hand and sit quietly together?' or 'I can see that you’re angry, do you want to take a walk together or would you like some alone time?'"

2. AVOID placing the blame on something for diagnosis

 Avoid using language like “bad cells” and “good cells” because your child did not do anything bad to cause the cancer diagnosis. When this type of language is used, kids often feel guilty or ashamed of their diagnosis. They may also associate a bad behavior as the cause of their diagnosis. 

Instead, use language such as “sick cells” and “healthy cells”, which lets the patient know that there are some cells in their body that are sick, but does not blame those sick cells. 

3. AVOID dishonesty

Dishonesty can often lead to mistrust in medical staff and caregivers. It also often leads to decreased coping skills throughout a long medical journey.

Navigating a medical journey with cancer can be overwhelming. Children and families often show strength and resilience when they receive positive experiences nurtured by staff and community. 

That’s why Starlight exists. Our programs help children express their emotions and contribute to effective coping strategies. 

This Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, provide necessary resources to families navigating this journey by donating to Starlight programs.  

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